You want to share my bed? Okay.
But first, I have some things to say:
Don’t toss and turn and flop and flip.
Don’t jab me with your bony hip.
Wear warm, thick socks, I’ll tell you why.
Touch me with freezing feet – you die.
Don’t grunt or grind, sniffle or toot.
If you do, you’ll get the boot.
If you wake, scared from a dream,
Chew on the sheet, stifle the scream.
Want to hog the blanket? Don’t try it.
If you have to breathe, breathe quiet.
And if, by chance, you wet the bed,
You are totally, completely dead.
You’re going back to your bed?
If you insist, go right ahead.
- Joan Riordan